1. Many day-to-day objects deceivingly labeled including but not limited to:
a. The Geezer in your bathroom which is not in any way shape or form an old man.
b. The booth with a sign that says “Lowest STD rates in India” which does not mean what you think it means.
2. Body language is an important aspect of cultural communication. The signature Indian head bobble is an especially nuanced and important part of communication in India. Here is a translation chart for the Indian Head Bobble:
Head bobble with a smile = Yes.
Head wiggle with a frown = No.
Head jiggle with a smile = Maybe.
Head bobble with a frown = I don’t understand.
Head wiggle with a smile = Nice pants!
Head jiggle with a frown = No, the Bus does not stop here.
Note: Please do not question Indians about what the head bobble means as they will either claim that they have no idea what you are talking about or that it means nothing.
3. Cows in the United States are timid, stupid creatures. In India, on the other hand, cows are jovial, intelligent, radical, and charismatic. These cows prefer to be called “Liberated Bovine.” These Liberated Bovine live side by side with people, and you should not be surprised if one should approach you wanting either to engage in some philosophical debate or to invite you out for a drink.
4. If you don’t want to get arrested while you are in Bangalore please follow these simple rules:
a. If you are a man, don’t sit in the women’s only section on the busses. It may not be apparent where this is at first, but it will become clear to you when people start yelling.
b. If your into dancing, don’t be. Dancing is strictly prohibited.
5. Thinking about buying a cell-phone while in Bangalore? Think again! It may only cost you $20, but you’ll need at twelve forms of identification and eight good hours just to get set up with one. If you really want to talk to people back in the US you might as well just get a plane ticket back to the States because, quite frankly, it’s easier.
6. Jesus Says:
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